Stay Little

My oldest is turning 10 on Monday, Halloween. I am having a really hard time with it. Not the turning ten part, but the fast train we are on that is heading right for middle school, high school, college..... I had to pick my son up over at the high school the other day, and looking at these enourmous, lurking, loud, texting, swearing, flirting teenageradults had me sweating and losing my breath. Literally. This is right around the corner. And next year when my tiny girl (why oh why didn't we decide to hold her in preschool for another year? well, she was ready to go to kindergarten and the state said, go ahead and send her, and when you are sending your first born to kindergarten, you don't even have a clue about the great big world you are sending them out into) is going to middle school, the eighth graders at her school will be gearing up for high school!! It's all too much. She's always been a mommy's girl, and still is. She loves to watch Extreme Couponing with me and loves to find snippets of things that we have in common, but there is a gentle pulling away. Sometimes with a look, or a tone of voice. This Halloween, she's going trick or treating with friends. At first, (I'm ashamed to admit) I tried to guilt her out of it... Are you sure? Really? Because, you know it's your birthday too, and I guess it'll just be me and Meggie and Crid... But then I realized what I was doing and back pedaled and told her to go have fun with her friends. I guess that's the right thing to do. I hate that next year she won't be with her brother and sister at the same cozy little school. It feels so far flung to have them scattered all over town. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. But I guess she's ready, and probably wouldn't take too likely to me trying to hold her back in 5th grade, even though I really want to.