Catholic

Today I went to church. Let me start off by saying that I am not the best catholic in the world, and if I were married to a lesser catholic or non-catholic I would probably be non-practicing. Or who knows? Maybe once I had kids that would have changed. But it has taken alot of arm twisting and pouting to get me to the point where I don't detest going. I went to catholic school for 12 years and then taught in catholic schools for 2. But I've always been a skeptic, a grocery store catholic. I have a reeeeeally hard time with the Transmorgrification. That's when the bread and wine are changed into the actual body and blood of Jesus. Oh me of little faith, I suppose, but to me the representation of the body and blood is just fine. And I"m ok with that. But the church says that it's not ok to believe that. It gets tricky when my kids ask me religious questions, based on what they are teaching in ccd. I have a hard time knowing the right thing to say, and have been kind of going on my gut and winging it.

Anywho... we were at church and today was a mass celebrating the catholic school teachers and children. They had their children's choir singing and a boy about 9 played the trumpet so beautifully that I could barely swallow the lump in my throat. They should set that guy up with a steady gig. And I was praying for little Ty Campbell, and others who really need prayers right now. And the thought that came into my head was "I am placing these prayers on the voices of these children because then God will definitely hear them." I guess I believe more than I let on, even to myself. I pray when I'm scared or nervous. Occasionally when I'm feeling grateful. But I am definitely not a pray-er.

So I'm looking around at these kids in their uniforms (they had them wear them for the special mass) and watching them mouth along the words to the songs that the choir are singing while they are chewing their gum, or coloring in their coloring books; whatever it takes to get through that long boring hour. And I recognized all of the songs that the choir was singing from back when I was in school, or teaching at the schools as an adult. It struck me as a little sad that my kids are going to miss out on that bit of culture. That awkward, catholic school kid intimidation that I always felt around public school kids. But it was also something that stuck us together and is something that we all carry with us as adults.