To Do List 2011

1. Be more patient with my kids and be more present in the moment with them.
2. Be more active -- my husband plays basketball 2 hours a day, takes the kids swimming, sledding, to the playground whenever possible.
3. Give myself a break. It's ok that I don't like to go sledding, to the playground, and to the freezing pool at the gym, as long as I find other ways to spend QFT. (quality family time)
4. Do more projects around the house. I am at my best mentally and emotionally when I am bettering my home.
5. Find a part time job. (maybe)
6. Try a new recipe every month.
7. Taste a new food. This year I tried brussel sprouts. Didn't like em, but can't fault me for trying.
8. Visit the Empire State Building (i've never been) and take the kids on the Staten Island Ferry to the Seaport.

Here is a quote from Maya Angelou, that rings so true to me and my propensity to always find the negative, the difficult, the uncomfortable in so many things; when what I really need to be doing is living my moments, and feeling gratitude for what I have.

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou

Where does the time go?

Fifteen years ago today I met the man of my dreams. Well, actually, it was 15 years ago yesterday when I briefly met him at a rehearsal dinner for a wedding that we were both in. I was too shy and he was too quiet early on, and by the time I got my drink on enough to let down my guard, it was time to leave and I didn't want to turn into a pumpkin, so I left. The next day was the wedding with him in his Coast Guard tux and me in my red poe di soia shoulder padded bridesmaid gown and mandatory french twist and payless red dyed to match shoes. I remember saying to my friend Laura that I finally met the kind of guy that I wanted to marry. I loved that he had glasses and was quiet and wasn't going terribly out of his way to woo me. After a series of 7th grade "go find out if he likes me" back and forths within the bridal party, we were well on our way to get to know each other. We stayed up talking and laughing half the night, and parted ways the next day, after exchanging phone numbers. On the drive home with Laura I pulled his number out of my pocket, only to find my own phone number scrawled on a piece of paper, which means he went home with his own digits in his pocket as well. About a week went by before I used my detective skills and tracked him down in Virginia Beach at (duh) my friend Kenny's apartment. He was roommates with the groom, who I've been friends with since first grade. Long story short, he moved to Texas, we did the long distance thing for a year, I moved down there, we got engaged, and the rest is history.

Lucky

Luck is a fickle creature. It can show up in one way or another and turn itself around in directions that never seemed possible. Back in June, during the BP Oil Spill, my Coast Guard Reservist husband was deployed for 2 months to the Gulf in Louisiana. We had an idea that he might be called up a few weeks before, and in the beginning they were offering it to volunteers. Knowing that a second round of requests would come through, Tom decided that putting his name in voluntarily might give him a hand in controlling his destiny. Anyone who has been in the military, or has a loved one in the military knows that is a highly unlikely way of things unfolding, but we thought it was worth a shot. Of course it didn't work out the way we planned and we ended up with 72 hours notice before he had to leave. About 40 of those hours were spent dealing with beaurocratic issues such as physicals, id's, etc. So off he went leaving me with the 3 kids ten days before school was out, with a long, hot summer ahead of us.

People were great, all the mom's offered to babysit my kids to give me a break, all the dads offered to take care of our lawn, and to please call if we needed anything. One family that owns a sports camp offered to send Erin for free. To say that I have a hard time accepting help is an understatement. I never called anyone to take my kids, and we paid a teen-aged neighbor to take care of the lawn, because I sure as hell wasn't going to call anyone or do it myself. I do alot of things around the house, but lawn-mowing is not one of them.

I never did call to sign Erin up for that camp. (I come from a background where my mom never had help with her three little kids and a fireman husband who worked a ton of overtime and sidejobs. My dad still doesn't like to use restaurant gift cards, because he likes to pay his own way.) But I'll tell you what was the biggest help. I had a neighbor that refused to take no for an answer, sent me to the mall and told me not to come back until it closed. She fed the kids and toasted marshmallows with them. Her husband did a supermarket fireworks show in the backyard and made Christopher his assistant. A good friend invited us to her son's family birthday party on the Fourth of July. My sisters in law came to babysit on my birthday so I could go to a neighborhood party. Two people brought me cupcakes, everyone sang. Another friend brought me wine and flowers. My neighbor made me a beautiful cake, so that I wouldn't go without. Those two months dragged on and finally he came home and it was amazingly back to normal immediately.

One of the biggest things that came out of his deployment is we were able to save extra money from his time away that afforded us some financial security that we otherwise may not have had. Just enough padding to allow us to do a few extra things around the house that would probably otherwise go undone. I feel terribly lucky for that time looking back, that Tom was able to do something great for our country at a time when people stood around wringing their hands wanting to help. Several people who offered us their help and general good will said it made them feel like they were doing something for the Gulf by helping us out. I'm hoping to pay forward some of the good luck we've had this year, especially now at the holidays. Because not everyone is so lucky, and it can turn on a dime.

Merry Christmas.

not a great day

today i found out that the little boy who's fundraiser i went to a few weeks back is now diagnosed as terminal. they are saying he may only have 4 weeks left. he's 3. i can't even fathom this. some friends of his are decorating his house for christmas tomorrow while they are doing their make a wish disney trip. i feel helpless. i feel silly in some ways because i feel so invested in this family's story. i knew the dad a a bit in college. were we friends? not necessarily. we ran in the same circles, maybe had a few laughs. he's the last person you would expect to be so strong in all this. that's not fair to say either. no one should have to be that strong. he was a happy go lucky guy, definitely lived in the moment. how does this not change you to the core? they have a baby too, who they still need to be parents for. i don't know how they have the strengh. when i have a little roadblock in my day i'm short with my kids, snippy to my husband, and a woe is me to my friends and sisters. i totally sweat the small stuff, and that's what so much of it is. i also had news of one of the wives of a teacher at my kids' school seems to be losing her battle with cancer. she's 28. a teacher with breast cancer at our school is not coming back this year, because she can't jeopardize her frail immunity by being exposed to sick kids. a friend and a family member who seem to be repeatedly knocked down by waves of financial distress and general unfairness. i've been so lucky. to say that up until now my adult life has been charmed is an understatement. it makes me feel guilty and nervous sometimes. i try to justify it in my head thinking, ok, what bad things have i faced that can keep this playing field even... miscarriage, check. postpartum depression, check.. those are recoverable drop in the bucket scenarios that while i survived them, seem too easy now. i am praying so hard for these people, and need to remember that the next time i pop a tire or have to clean up vomit that "why me?" can actually be something to be thankful for.

cold

i need some kind of game plan to get through this winter. in the past we've had a disney trip to look forward to, to get us through. it's so cold already, and technically it's not even winter. this is the time of year that i usually pester tom to move us to florida or california. but california's too far, and florida is just too hot in the summer. i lived in south texas for a year and a half, when we were first engaged and it was brutal. and i didn't have to worry about getting the kids outside to play and didn't worry about just lounging in the air conditioning until the sun started to set and we could hang out at the pool. it was actually too hot to even be in the pool during daytime hours in the summer. then we lived in dc for a short while and then massachusetts at the beach. sadly, i didn't take advantage of our time at the beach. i love being near the ocean, but don't particularly like going in. when erin was a baby i had no idea that i could have been whiling away the hours with her playing in the sand. it took me moving to connecticut to really appreciate what we had, and of course now i have kids who absolutely love swimming, playing in the waves and digging in the sand for hours. i guess all kids do. it's hard to think that it will be at least 5 months before we will most likely visit the cape or do a daytrip to scituate. for now i will have to content myself with christmas and then try to set little milestones to look forward to until the sun shines again.

Believe

I remember when I was little that insanely excited pre-Christmas feeling, for the weeks leading up to the big day. I mean, even when I was a teenager. My list was itemized by catalog number from the Sears toy catalog, and later J.Crew. I don't know if my kids experience the same mania that we did. They still definitely believe that Santa comes on Christmas Eve, but I think they're not super concerned with him watching in the weeks leading up for naughty or niceness. Christmas lists aren't a major priority around here either. Not sure why. In a way it's good because they don't have the same greedy hunger in their eyes that I think I may have had, but I don't know if it has the same magic either. My oldest is in 4th grade, so there is a chance that this may be her last believing Christmas. I feel like I should amp it up a little, with the sleigh bells and foot stomping on the roof and putting out glittery reindeer food. We'll see. I still need to do one more trip to the mall for a Rapunzel doll exchange for Meghan, some earrings for Erin and one last thing for Christopher. This was a virtually stress free holiday lead up which makes the pessimist in me think that I'm forgetting something.

sew what?

today i am really going to take out the sewing machine and try to make 2 new slipcovers for my couch pillows. i'm going to use fabric that i already have in hopes to keep sprucing up the place without spending any more money. i'm avoiding taking out the machine, because i always have to reteach myself how to rethread the bobbin and i find it intimidating. also on my list is to paint the back stairwell and the back hall (nantucket white for the stairs or more of the revere pewter mix that i made the other day) and get the xmas village up and running. i've got alot on my mind and need to keep busy to try to stay out of my own head.